A lot of people who don’t belong to the fashion or media industry are often wowed by the mirage of glamour and beauty there. The models,over-the-top costumes, brands, cameras and what not are often overwhelming for the novice. But after having attended dozens of fashion events it is quite easy to crack the fashion equation. Contrary to Madhur Bhandarkar‘s movies Fashion and Page 3, the real Fashion scene we have here is quite insipid and rather banal. So this is my take on the 10 types of people you meet at Fashion Weeks by Peter Arkle for NewYorker.
So here it is folks:
1. The Sponsor’ fat wife and kids:
Overseas this might be a rarity but at every fashion event, the sponsor has to bring in his fat wife and for some God forsaken reason children(under 14) too. prehaps because we don’t have circuses, zoo or parks, here they can see people in animal prints (or Mona Imran show complete with Waka Waka track).Obviously none of them have no idea what is happening and why is it happening.
2. Designers who couldn’t make it
If it is a fashion week, and a designer has not been be selected to present on runway. These dejected ones will sit there constantly jab at poor construction,the bribes paid, the illicit relationships, and just to add in a bit of drama might do a tv spot for news channels or storm out in the middle of the event. Yes , there are just there to support a ‘dear friend’. If you ask them why are you not showing, oh I am showing at this “drop a overseas venue name* didn’t have time for this one.
3. Models who couldn’t make it
Often seen in trying too hard outfits and seated in second or third rows, they are just there to talk to people on how the casting couches and camps have ostracized them even when they ‘tried too hard’. Models often move in pairs or packs wearing tight costumes to show off “their assets” which may help them to lure in some ass-ignments 😛 And yes all the pun is intended.
4. Ogling uncles and Cougars
Where there is smoke, there is fire. Disgruntled models bring in desperate uncles and cougars. Well there is no shortage of them. Some are unsatisfied by their current companions, others just looking for some easy meat to add variety. Often seen roaming alone or in pairs wearing ensembles inappropriately young for their sags and protrusions. Yes they are potential sugar Daddies(what did you think I was talking about)
5. DSLR Kids
One of the most annoying species of all have suddenly experienced a mushroom growth thanks to these art/fashion schools. Anybody who can afford a nikon/canon with a facebook page is a photographer. Aged as low as 14 they are borderline phedophile bait.
6. Wanna-be Volunteers
The 2nd biggest lot is comprised of impressionable young kids dressed in matching t-shirts, probably from universities.They try their best to boss around biggies and take photos with ‘celebrities’ to post on their facebook profiles to ensure their false sense of popularity. Some double up as DSLR totting ones as well.
7. Bloggers & Journalists
Often the most under-rated one, they are a close lot often seen air kissing/ hugging each other. Roaming and sitting together you can see them taking notes as if they are cracking some code in ancient scripture. Some peacock around in designer gear others garbed pitifully making one wonder are we supposed to take fashion advice from such people?
8. Artists from the bygone era
Yes contrary to tv news reports oldies who don’t work anymore get to grace the front rows. Its not that they have gotten rich enough to deny taking more work. Basically they have become so irrelevant all they could do is sit and stare. A commendable tactic of publicists to make up crowds.
9 The brainless beauties
And just to break the clutter and beautify the crowds, you just throw in 10-15 girls in flimsy chiffon tops and fake chanel quilted bags. Male of this specie is usually seen in fitted t shirts resembling their hardwork in gym but God forbid if they open their mouth you get to know how paindu faislabadi they are inside (no offence to faislabadis though).
10. The Ex-es
Exes of the models, agents and designers who come just to flaunt the new ‘thing’ on their arm. Some are there to spy but mostly just to rub it in how fabulous they are.
There it is folks, If you ask me I ll say I have written something to rival Darwin‘s ‘Origin of Species‘ but then who am I to say anything.